Having no interest in pretty much anything and in tandem with the fact i am a miserable, pedantic sod i thought i would waste some time pretending i had interviewed a team GB athlete from the 2012 Olympics.
Here is my pretend interview with a pretend person:
AL: Well you just missed out on qualification for the final of this event, what are your initial thoughts.
GB: You know, gutted you know, its, you know, gutting.
AL: It certainly looked like you were in with a shout until the last few seconds, that must be a huge disappointment?
GB: Yeah, no, yeah. Well obviously i gave it my all, you know and you know it just wasnt erm, enough you know, obviously. I gave 110% you know but, you know, it like just wasnt enough.
AL: You cant give 110%, 100% is the most you can give surely?
GB: Yeah, 110%.
AL: The crowd certainly got behind you what was the atmosphere like?
GB: Wow, you know, the crowd were like, you know amazing. You know, obviously you cant hear anything you know, you know, it was so loud, amazing.
AL: Still, those 4 years of hard work got you to the Olympics. Yours has been a story of tragedies, like when you dropped your car keys down a grate and also when you left your washing out in the rain and it got a bit damp.
GB: Yeah, you know, obviously i still cant believe i made it, you know, its like you know, a dream come true, you know.
AL: Any thoughts on retirement or will you be going for Rio 2016?
GB: You know, obviously i need to rest you know, obviously, and be with my family you know, they've been like amazing you know. Obviously, you know it depends on how much they pay me for sitting on my backside in the jungle for a fortnight. You know.
AL: Are you actually capable of stringing together sentence that actually means something?
GB: .....?????
AL: You're a bit thick arent you?
GB: Obviously.
Etc..........
Al Sithees' Big Generator . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Farewell my little star, we wish you well. What about love i hear you say, but this is the bottom line, its over, i dont love you anymore. We had 100 nights of fun and games but here, in my time of dying, in this house of broken love, lies a better man.
Friday, 10 August 2012
Saturday, 26 May 2012
Review: Eurovision 2012
Ok, so this years Eurovision song contest isnt even half way through yet but the votes are in, this is a record as 15 acts still have yet to perform. This years winners are likely to have been act number 6 from Russia, basically they were 6 old ladies singing about having a party whilst they baked biscuits, or something. Crazy, but anything has to be better than the out of tune aural assault by act number 3, Albania. Ive rarely seen any act anywhere that could sing as badly as this, although UK's entry of some years ago "Gemini" spring to mind.
Anyway, in between all that there was the usual europop stuff that if you listen and close your eyes makes you think you are in a small bar in Corfu, or somewhere. Nothing to write home about really.
So, how did the home nations fare, well the United Kingdom came last with 4 points given to us by our neighbours Ireland who just pipped us by 75 points and came a respectable 4th. Despite having 2 crazed simpletons on their team. The rest of europe decided to ignore us for 3 hours but normal service will be resumed shortly when they become our friends again and want us to help them out of their own respective fiscal crisis.
And we will.
On a more positive note rumour has it the UK and Ireland will be joining forces next year in a bid to dominate and secure victory, Bono will be doing a duet with Alex Sotheran. Its a cover version of "Anything for my baby" by New York rockers Kiss.
Eurovision fact: The stage is as big as a football pitch but only a maximum of 6 people are allowed to perform. So its like a football match but with less idiots taking part.
Ok, so this years Eurovision song contest isnt even half way through yet but the votes are in, this is a record as 15 acts still have yet to perform. This years winners are likely to have been act number 6 from Russia, basically they were 6 old ladies singing about having a party whilst they baked biscuits, or something. Crazy, but anything has to be better than the out of tune aural assault by act number 3, Albania. Ive rarely seen any act anywhere that could sing as badly as this, although UK's entry of some years ago "Gemini" spring to mind.
Anyway, in between all that there was the usual europop stuff that if you listen and close your eyes makes you think you are in a small bar in Corfu, or somewhere. Nothing to write home about really.
So, how did the home nations fare, well the United Kingdom came last with 4 points given to us by our neighbours Ireland who just pipped us by 75 points and came a respectable 4th. Despite having 2 crazed simpletons on their team. The rest of europe decided to ignore us for 3 hours but normal service will be resumed shortly when they become our friends again and want us to help them out of their own respective fiscal crisis.
And we will.
On a more positive note rumour has it the UK and Ireland will be joining forces next year in a bid to dominate and secure victory, Bono will be doing a duet with Alex Sotheran. Its a cover version of "Anything for my baby" by New York rockers Kiss.
Eurovision fact: The stage is as big as a football pitch but only a maximum of 6 people are allowed to perform. So its like a football match but with less idiots taking part.
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