Football crazy

Here is a football quiz.

1 - You are a middle aged man with a spare saturday afternoon, how do you spend it?

a) Take the wife and kids out somewhere nice and enjoy a good family day out.

b) Laze around like a fat knacker and do nothing.

c) Do the housework and maybe mow the lawn.

d) Get half drunk, go to a football match and sit in the cold chanting at other sad middle aged men about how much better your team is than theirs?

2 - You are a footballer and you score a goal, how do you celebrate?

a) Run to your team mates and get a firm handshake and maybe a high 5.

b) Make your way back to your own half ready to restart the game.

c) Run to your own fans and enjoy the cheers and adulation.

d) Pull your shirt over your heard, punch the corner flag, make your way to the oppositions fans to make aggressive gestures whilst shouting "come on, come on" before running round the pitch for 5 minutes like a small child.

3 - You support a top flight football team and arent happy with the way its being run, what do you do?

a) Nothing, after all you are just a fan and dont own the club or hold a stake in it.

b) Go home and ring a local radio station complaining about the state of affairs.

c) Have a moan in the pub with your mates for an hour after the game then let it go.

d) Stand outside the ground in the cold shouting "sack the board, sack the board" long after they have gone home and all along you are still stood there like the idiot you are.

4 - You are a footballer, during a game an opposing player tackles you making contact with your right leg and you fall to the ground uninjured, do you?

a) Get up and get on with it, what goes around comes around.

b) Get up and run to the referee appealing for a free kick.

c) Dont get up but sit there sulking for 5 minutes or until the ball comes your way, whichever happens sooner.

d) Roll around on the floor for 5 minutes clutching your left ankle shouting and screaming like you have just been snipered before declining a stretcher and finally resuming the game when you feel you've made your point.

5 - You are a footballer and your contract is due to expire at the end of the season what do you do?

a) You love the club you are at and the fans, money is not an object so sign immediately.

b) Have a word with your agent to see if he can get you an extra few quid.

c) Sign for another team who may be interested in you.

d) Stall on signing the contract as long as possible until you effectively hold the club to ransom for your excessive and greedy wage demands before eventually signing and holding a press conference explaining how much you love the club and the fans and that you never had any intention of not renewing your contract in the first place.

6 - You are a footballer and the referee has just given a free kick against your team, do you?

a) Get on with the game, after all the referee will not change his mind.

b) Curse under your breath for a moment then let it go.

c) Stand near to the ball so that the free kick cant be taken and thus give your team mates time to get organised before play begins.

d) Chase the referee to the corner flag with at least 3 of your team mates so that you can vent your frustration and fling your arms around like an idiot then cry like a baby when you get booked for it.

7 - You have just invested a considerable amount of money and taken over a club that is doing well and shows promise, if things go right you might have a good cup run or even challenge for a place in europe, what do you do?

a) Leave it as it is, things are going well and you dont want to spoil anything.

b) Inject a large sum of money into the club and leave it to the manager.

c) Have a word with the manager and players and offer them incentives for their future endeavours.

d) Sack the manager, put in place your mate who might make things better but ultimately will fail at the first hurdle and put the development of your club back many years, then leave to take charge of another club who will welcome you with open arms?

8 - You are a football fan and are having a drink in a pub before the game, some rival fans come in, what do you do?

a) Nothing, its inevitable you will share a pub prior to the commencement of the game.

b) Mutter under your breath about how they shouldn't be allowed in but leave it there, theres no sense in causing trouble.

c) Have some light hearted banter with them then wish them luck.

d) Smash some glasses, puff your chest out in bravado before shouting "who are you, who are you" then punch one of them in the face because he's wearing a different coloured shirt to you.

9 - You are a football fan and your team has played poorly losing by 2 goals at home, what do you do?

a) Go home and forget about it, theres always next week.

b) Go for a pint with your pals and debrief what went wrong for about 2 hours then unanimously declare that "We need a new striker."

c) Ring a local radio station to complain about how bad your team has played then admit that you haven't actually been to the game because you were working.

d) Go on an idiotic, drunken, hate fuelled rampage, make your way home, blame your partner for the loss and refuse to talk to anyone for 2 days.

10 - You are a football manager and as per Q9 your team has played poorly and lost by 2 goals at home, how do you explain this to the media?

a) We didn't compete and the best team won.

b) Their second goal killed the game and there was no way back.

c) We need some more money to compete at this level and were in for a relegation dogfight.

d) If the linesman hadn't given them a throw-in in the 3rd minute things would have been different. That decision turned the game and whilst i don't want to make comments about the officials i thought they were poor and have no business being involved in the officiating of professional sport.

11 - You are a football pundit and see a terrible tackle in the centre circle whereby the defending player slides in recklessly at the attacking player (3 seconds after he has released the ball) and ends up breaking his leg in 2 places. How do you describe this?

a) That's horrific, he should be sent off immediately.

b) I'd like to see that again from another camera angle.

c) That's harsh he went for the ball.

d) Well i know he's been a bit overzealous by crashing in from distance with his studs showing and possibly ending that players career but ohhh, what a talent he is. I have to defend him, after all he's passionate about the game.

This is the end of the quiz, there are no winners but there are lots of losers.