Britains Got Talent

Ok, i had no choice but to sit through most of this years final of Britains Got Talent, i was outvoted 3 to 1 by my cretinous friends as to which channel to watch. So, i had to sit through the damn thing so thought i might as well give my opinion of the acts. In no particular order:

1 - Stephen Hall. This guy is supposed to be a dancer and his appeal to the masses seemed to be his age, comedy factor and the fact that he does not look like anyone you would expect to get up and dance. The crowd seemed to love him and he came 7th, not bad for someone who clearly has no talent and doesnt care what people think of him. I considered giving a middle-high score but if you saw him do that at a wedding you'd cringe with embarassment. Why should it be seen as talent just because he did it on TV. This idiot scores 0 on 10.

2 - Paul Gbegbaje. Paul is clearly a talented pianist and a nice guy. His performance was very good & i liked it very much. I considered giving him a high score until Paul mastered his own downfall & dropped a bombshell when speaking with the judges. Paul said he wrote the piece himself, which i was initially impressed with. After giving it some thought though i recalled that his piece was actually a rip off of Mr Crowley by Ozzy Osbourne, so Paul did not in fact write the piece himself. Liars only score 0 on 10 in this blog.

3 - James Hobley. James is decent dancer & a polite young man, i hope his friends & family are very proud. I thought his act was quite good & James clearly will have a career in the performing arts. Unfortunately James told the Judges he did not choreograph his own routine which makes him a bit lazy/thoughtless. There is no room for a "let someone else do it attitude" in this blog, oh, and Stephen Hall beat him and he wasnt even a proper dancer. James scores 0 on 10.

4 - Ronan Parke. Ronan was an excellent singer, im sure he will have a great career even if he does look like Peppermint Patty from Peanuts/Charlie Brown. There has been some hullaballoo about Ronan & it was mooted that the competition was rigged to let him win, despite there being no evidence to support this. In view of this fact i think it would be inapropriate to consider scoring Ronans performance. Sod it, no one likes cheaters, 0 on 10.

5 - Jean Martyn. Ahh, the cretinous, gurning boogie woogie pianist. This was utter, utter rubbish of the lowest order. I cant believe even one person liked this out of time, ivory-tickling idiot. Top tip Jean - stop waving at the audience during your act, it will help if you use both hands whilst playing, that way you might have a chance of hitting some of the notes you intend to. You've guessed it 0 on 10.

6- Les Gibson. Possibly the worst impressionist ive ever heard in my life. I think it all went wrong on the night for Les as apart from his take on David Hasselhoff none of the other voices remotely sounded like the people they were meant to. Top tip Les - A good impressionist does not need to tell their audience who they will be impersonating prior to doing the actual impression. He made the Krankies look good, 0 on 10.

7 - New Bounce. Good singers, thought they might've won, however there were four of them and all the other contestants were performing alone. No one likes being ganged up on, 0 on 10.

8 - Jai Mcdowall. An excellent singer & worthy winner, when he & 12 year old Ronan Parke were the final two i thought Ronan would win. So well done Jai, i feel i should give you a high score, you beat the kid who some thought was going to win from the start. Hang on a minute, Jai is 24 and Ronan 12, make you feel like a big man Jai? No one likes bullies 0 on 10.

9 - Some guy doing robotics or something. I didnt actually see this fellow but i gather he was voted out earlier in the competion then allowed back in for the final. I could be wrong about that but its unlikely. Anyway, it was obviously engineered for you to be in the final & you were lucky to get a second chance. So you had 2 chances and still f****d it up, 0 on 10.

10 - Michael Collings. This lad had a great voice & one of the few acts to actually have even a modicum of talent. I thought he might've done better than he did but he might make a living in showbiz. I felt compelled to give him a high mark but there was a niggling thought in the back of my head stopping me. Then it clicked, Michael did his act sat on a stool when all the other acts were stood up. Britains got talent? Britains got laziness more like, 0 on 10.

There you have it. Proof that the viewing public would rather watch idiots with little or no talent than professional people who can actually sing dance etc. It seems viewers would rather see poor performances than good ones. Have a think about it, its true because its true.

This country.